Log in or create a free Rosenverse account to watch this video.
Log in Create free account100s of community videos are available to free members. Conference talks are generally available to Gold members.
Summary
Are you struggling to speak up to your boss due to fear of conflict? Our brains are wired to avoid confrontations, especially with authority figures, which can lead to misalignment, frustration, and missed opportunities. In this session, Joshua Graves, author of We Need To Talk: A Survival Guide for Tough Conversations, will help you reframe conflict as a strategic conversation rather than a risky confrontation. By understanding what you can control, influence, and how to communicate effectively, you'll gain practical tools to navigate these conversations with confidence. Through a mix of insights, real-world examples, and interactive exercises, you'll develop a clearer strategy for tackling tough conversations and reduce your fear of speaking up. Tune in to learn how to turn challenging discussions into opportunities for growth and influence.
Key Insights
-
•
The brain’s amygdala triggers fight-or-flight responses during difficult conversations, impairing rational dialogue.
-
•
Cultural differences significantly affect how employees relate to authority and approach conflict with bosses.
-
•
Distinguishing between what you can control and what you can influence is key to managing difficult conversations effectively.
-
•
Nonviolent communication provides a flexible framework to express difficult truths while maintaining psychological safety.
-
•
Depersonalizing conflict by focusing on facts and impacts reduces defensiveness and helps constructive dialogue.
-
•
Anger is a normal and useful human emotion that, when expressed clearly and calmly, can help convey the seriousness of an issue.
-
•
Knowing when to push forward and when to step back in conflict prevents burnout and wasted emotional energy.
-
•
Having shared goals and highlighting commonalities between conflicting parties aids mediation and reduces tension.
-
•
Short-term contract employment structures can erode team cohesion and holistic problem solving in organizations.
-
•
Slowing down conversations and asking logical 'what' and 'how' questions helps reduce emotional escalation during conflict.
Notable Quotes
"The amygdala acts as the brain’s smoke detector, smashing a button when it senses anything unsafe."
"Our brains are wired for efficiency and use heuristics, so they prefer daydreaming over hard conversations."
"If a security camera were recording, what would they see? Focus on facts, not stories."
"Depersonalizing the situation is a huge winner in nearly any hard conversation."
"Embracing seasonality in influence means adapting your expectations to current conditions."
"Anger doesn’t mean you have to yell—it’s about speaking clearly to the problem you see."
"You need to know your limits on how far you’re willing to exert influence and your energy investment."
"Slowing down speech and asking ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions engages the logical brain and de-escalates tension."
"Sometimes, avoiding the conversation feels easier but can have bigger costs than facing it."
"Establishing a shared vision with your boss or team helps align goals, even amid conflict."
Or choose a question:
More Videos
"The System Usability Scale’s question about needing a technical person to use the system is confusing and inaccurate for screen reader users."
Sam ProulxSUS: A System Unusable for Twenty Percent of the Population
December 9, 2021
"Most of our designers are contractors; they have limited voice because they’re bound by contracts."
Michael LandEstablishing Design Operations in Government
February 18, 2021
"I tried to do everything all by myself at first and it didn’t catch on because no one else knew I was doing it."
Shipra KayanHow we Built a VoC (Voice of the Customer) Practice at Upwork from the Ground Up
September 30, 2021
"People care about titles way too much. I had a guy whose business card said star-bellied sneak—love that."
Ian SwinsonDesigning and Driving UX Careers
June 8, 2016
"If you’re managing over 100 design practitioners, it makes sense to start looking at a chief of staff role."
Isaac HeyveldExpand DesignOps Leadership as a Chief of Staff
September 8, 2022
"Stepping into the shoes of design gave stakeholders a new admiration for the design process and strengthened our relationship."
Amy EvansHow to Create Change
September 25, 2024
"Super strength is the resilience and endurance to partner and drive strategic impact backed by customer obsession."
Kate Koch Prateek KalliFlex Your Super Powers: When a Design Ops Team Scales to Power CX
September 30, 2021
"The enterprise feels like a big elephant; different people touch different parts and argue what it really is."
Dave GrayLiminal Thinking: Sense-making for systems in large organizations
May 14, 2015
"What if the atomic unit of research wasn’t the reports, but it was the insight within those reports?"
Matt DuignanAtomizing Research: Trend or Trap
March 30, 2020
