Rosenverse
We Need To Talk: Addressing Unmet Expectations (Part 2 of 3)

Log in or create a free Rosenverse account to watch this video.

Log in Create free account

100s of community videos are available to free members. Conference talks are generally available to Gold members.

We Need To Talk: Addressing Unmet Expectations (Part 2 of 3)

Monday, April 28, 2025 • Rosenfeld Community
Share the love for this talk
We Need To Talk: Addressing Unmet Expectations (Part 2 of 3)
Speakers: Joshua Graves
Link:

Summary

Unmet expectations at work can significantly impact team morale and performance. However, addressing these issues without causing defensiveness or tension is a delicate challenge. In this session, Joshua Graves, author of We Need To Talk: A Survival Guide for Tough Conversations, helps shift the focus from blame to problem-solving, equipping you with practical strategies to uncover root causes, frame constructive conversations, and set clear expectations without damaging relationships. Through real-world examples and actionable takeaways, learn how to avoid common pitfalls and drive accountability while maintaining a productive working environment. Tune into this structured and insightful presentation that will help you navigate tough conversations with confidence and turn challenges into opportunities for team growth.

Key Insights

  • Unmet expectations largely stem from unclear communication and unspoken assumptions.

  • Self-examination and understanding one’s own motivations is critical before addressing others' failures.

  • The distinction between being 'nice' and being 'kind' is vital—kindness means addressing hard truths respectfully.

  • Situation-Behavior-Impact (or Outcome) is an effective framework to discuss unmet expectations factually.

  • Psychological safety is essential before initiating difficult conversations to ensure presence and receptiveness.

  • Avoid asking 'why' questions since they trigger defensiveness; prefer 'what' and 'how' to engage logical thinking.

  • Documenting expectations and agreements prevents ambiguity and offers a clear frame for accountability.

  • Managing unmet expectations differs by role level—early-career staff may need concrete instructions, senior staff require principle-driven guidance.

  • Performance Improvement Plans (PIPs) should be last resorts and carefully documented to avoid damage and ambiguity.

  • Effective leaders help others align on strategy and vision while trusting them with tactical execution.

Notable Quotes

"We spend all our time in our heads and unintentionally hold others to the same standards without communicating it."

"The difference between being nice and being kind is subtle but core; kindness means telling the hard truth to help."

"If something isn’t going the way it needs to, a little clarity can go a long way."

"Start with inquiry rather than accusation to get to root causes without making others feel attacked."

"Try to observe the situation like a security camera—stick to factual, objective descriptions."

"Avoid 'why' questions because they trigger defensive amygdala responses; use 'what' and 'how' to keep people logical."

"The best solutions come from good questions and sitting with the problem, not rushing to fix."

"When you talk with someone who isn’t meeting expectations, shift from blame to figuring it out together."

"If you’re dealing with someone more senior who won’t engage, appeal to how the problem affects their responsibilities."

"Clarity and cruelty are different things; you want directness without belittling."

Ask the Rosenbot
Laura Klein
Unique challenges of innovation in enterprises
2020 • Enterprise Community
Tala Tayebi
Voice and influence in an age of noise
2026 • Advancing Research 2026
Gold
Mark Interrante
Collaboration Flows in Product Development
2017 • Enterprise Experience 2017
Gold
Jayne Engle
Civic Design for the Next Seven Generations—A Discussion on Sacred Civics
2022 • Civic Design Community
Mansi Gupta
Advancing the Inclusion of Womxn in Research Practices
2022 • Advancing Research Community
Jennifer Bolduc
What's involved with getting people back to work?: A panel discussion
2021 • DesignOps Community
Noel Lamb
Cultivating Business Partnerships to Grow Research Ops
2022 • Advancing Research Community
Deanna Mitchell
Designing with culture: Unlocking impactful insights for Product and UX
2025 • Advancing Research 2025
Gold
Claire Dhoosche
Coordinating chaos: Preventing workflow fragmentation when everyone accelerates with AI
2026 • Designing with AI 2026
Conference
Allison Sanders
Operating with Purpose
2024 • DesignOps Summit 2020
Gold
Lavy Kumar
Future of Work
2021 • Design at Scale 2021
Gold
Kurt McCulloch
Faster alone, further together: Rebuilding collaboration in the age of AI research
2026 • Advancing Research 2026
Gold
Peter Van Dijck
Coffee with Lou #4: Taking a Peek Under the Rosenbot's Hood
2024 • Rosenfeld Community
Rima Campbell
Increase Productivity and Drive Business Impact
2024 • DesignOps Summit 2024
Gold
Isaac Heyveld
Expand DesignOps Leadership as a Chief of Staff
2022 • DesignOps Summit 2022
Gold
Rachael Dietkus, LCSW
Everything You Need to Know about the Civic Design 2022 Call for Presentations
2022 • Civic Design Community

More Videos

Benjamin Real

"We were lost in the forest and you come across this compass, maybe all time rusty, but still something a little bit useful."

Benjamin Real

Maturity Models: A Core Tool for Creating a DesignOps Strategy

October 1, 2021

Peter Van Dijck

"Start planning for evals on day one, it's not QA, it's an ongoing activity."

Peter Van Dijck

Building new AI skills: Creating outsized UX value with evals

June 10, 2026

Niko Laitinen

"People were pushed but had no idea what was expected from them — adaptability was lacking."

Niko Laitinen

Adaptable Org Design for Resilient Times

June 10, 2021

Peter Merholz

"The farther away you are from the CEO or GM, the less happy and healthy your organization tends to be."

Peter Merholz

The 2025 State of UX/Design Organizational Health

November 12, 2025

Nora Tejeda

"The magic happens when the designer becomes a mentor or counselor, not just a designer—like a sangaroo for the scrum team."

Nora Tejeda Giovanna Alonso

Scaling Design Capabilities at BBVA Through a Self-service Design Model

June 10, 2021

Alla Weinberg

"Repair is any action that prevents negativity from spiraling out of control and helps bring people back to connection."

Alla Weinberg

Cross-Functional Relationship Design

December 6, 2022

Dan Hill

"Designing a chair means considering its next larger context: the room, the house, the environment."

Dan Hill

Designing for the infrastructures of everyday life

June 4, 2024

"We had to push up the ladder to VP and COO level to get the maker schedule endorsed and mandated."

Panel Discussion: Communicating the Value of DesignOps

November 7, 2018

Bria Alexander

"The future of civic design will be localized, designed for and by communities rather than dictated top-down."

Bria Alexander Ariel Kennan Charlotte Lee Sarah Brooks Emily Lessard Gordon Ross Joanne Dong

Reflect and Chart Forward

December 10, 2021